Decisions I Have Made As A Mom - Part 1

Becoming a mother was the most scary, awesome, rewarding, panic-inducing thing that has ever happened to me. Becoming a parent not only forces you to all of a sudden become in charge of one little (on in my case two) lives, you are constantly faced with decisions on what kind of parent you will be. You may think one thing, then change your mind once the situation arises. I thought I would post a bit of the decisions I made throughout this journey and the reasons I did so. This is part 1 of ??? I don't know. There are always important decisions to be made!


Josh on the left, Jules on the right



I took drugs. The legal ones, of course. This was decision number one for me. After the one year mark of trying every month with no baby, we decided to pursue some medical assistance and confront our infertility. We kept it a secret for a long time, then due to lots and lots of support from lots online friends, I became ok with this and knew I wasn't alone. So, yes, we did 1.5 years of infertility treatments. And one FINALLY worked! And I got two precious babies out of it. While some may continue "to let nature takes its course", and "relax and let it happen". I am not that person. I was aggressive and determined to become a Mommy.

I had a planned c-section. I know there are many other mothers out there who would disagree with this decision, and some may agree. It never occurred to me to even try to deliver vaginally. I didn't care in the least about my pregnancy or the "birth experience". My goal was babies and motherhood. I was all about the end result. I wanted them to get here in the quickest, safest way possible. All it took was hearing one story about delivering one vaginally, then having to do an emergency c-section with the other. And I was like, nope. No thanks. Not gonna risk something happening.  Again, I didn't care about any of that. I just wanted my babes here and healthy :)

I was an exclusive pumper. I never really envisioned myself as a nursing mother. But, I knew I would give it a good try. I was wishing and hoping I would produce milk and that my body would know what to do. Some of my friends weren't blessed with this miraculous ability, so I knew that if I could do it, I would (and hey, you gotta get that uterus back in shape after twins, quickly, no?) They said after a c-section your milk wouldn't come in until probably day three, and I was so anxious waiting for it. I remember on that third day in the middle of the night I woke up in the hospital with the strangest sensation, and I woke Jake up so excited!!

I tried nursing for two weeks.  They would do it sometimes, sometimes not. They would nurse for 10 minutes or so, then we would follow up with formula and/or pumped milk. And I would still pump.They were very small babies, and my lactation consultant told me that they wouldn't get their cheek/sucking fat until they were full term (I had them at 36w5d). I was doing tandem sometimes, sometimes not, just trying to find something that worked. I was doing this multiple times a day and in the middle of the night and still pumping 3-4 times a day so I could build up my milk supply. I was exhausted. So when two weeks came and we took them to the doctor with two very fussy babies and he said they had reflux and were dairy-intolerant and for me to take dairy out of my diet and take a nursing break for a couple of days (I misunderstood this, I thought thats what he told me to do) I never went back. It was a very, very guilty, but marvelous feeling. I hated that I was happy about it. And I had help this whole time, so why wasn't I using it? Why was I doing this all on my own and feeling miserable and felt pressured to do this because that's what books, doctors, etc make you feel like you have to do? So, I stopped. And everybody got a bottle of pumped breast milk and we were good.

From then on, I was attached to my hospital-grade Medela pump for that next year. We were BFFs. I was doing it anyway 3-4 times a day, so I just increased it. Was it hard? Oh yeah. Was it harder than nursing? I dunno. It seemed not at the time. Nursing moms I knew thought I was crazy and awesome. THEY certainly thought nursing was way easier than pumping, but it worked for me.  I probably could have forged ahead and made it work. But, I'm still proud of myself. I tried it. It wasn't me. And I pumped for an entire year, in public bathrooms, in my office, in my car, etc. So, surely they give out medals for that too? Or is that just nursing,  lol?

We did Babywise. Aaaahhhhh!!! We were those parents that sleep-trained their babies! Please don't stop reading my blog now. What? What I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not? I started reading Babywise way before the babies were here. People that think its written by the devil probably haven't read it. I loved that it was a marriage-centered book, and that babies join your already-family-of-two, and that the basics of a strong family starts with a strong marriage. And I don't all of the time agree that when a baby is whining or crying that you feed them. I believed that you should try to figure out something else first. Maybe they're not hungry. Maybe they're cold, or  hot, or bored, or tired of the swing, etc. Plus, let's be honest, I was terrified of having two babies and not sleeping for a year. I needed to give these babies all I could, and I couldn't be the best mom I could be on no sleep and working. And I am a schedule-person anyway, and it worked beautifully with us with twins. We didn't do "cry it out", (couldn't really with two babies in the room) but we did let them fuss for a bit. They started sleeping through the night at about 4.5 months. Josh could have started earlier, but that pesky sister of his wasn't letting him. They would still get up every now and then, and they still do sometimes, but I was a new woman after that, and a better mommy, and had the sleep and energy to entertain two babies. I still do some Babywise stuff now, too, but not alot.I think independent playtime is very important, as it teaches them great problem solving skills.

Some of these are controversial, and I agree. But thats the best thing about being a Mom. You make decisions and hopefully you are doing the right thing. Other moms out there shouldn't judge, but support you and hope you know whats best for your kids. Stay tuned for Part 2!


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